Silence is golden, ignorance is bliss
by TooMuchCaffine
Summary: Some lessons come easier than others. Vaan learns a thing or two about women, and Balthier learns there are times when its best to just shut up and let things be. A short funny fic about growing up, maturing yes, there's a difference and wisdom


The sun was just beginning to rise over the Phon Coast, casting the sky a warm shade of pink, clashing beautifully against the clear azure sea. The Hunter's Camp was quiet for once, save for a few early rising Bangaa, getting a head start on the day's hunts.

Vaan stretched out lazily, not quite ready to get up. However, sleeping in clearly wasn't an option this morning. A sharp finger jabbed his side, while another finger pulled up his eyelids, "Had enough beauty rest there, princess?" Balthier joked, yanking away Vaan's blankets, "Rise and shine now, its already dawn; birds singing and whatnot."

"Go away..." he groaned, shielding his eyes from the sun's first rays

"Fine," Balthier threw the blanket back at him, "We'll just head off without you then. By the time you're up and about, we'll be half-way to Archades already."

"Leave the boy alone, Balthier," Basch ordered with very little enthusiasm. He wasn't thrilled about the early morning wake up either, but considering they still had quite an expedition ahead of them, time was of the essence.

"Are the girls up yet?" Balthier peered through the opening in their tent, trying to peer over at the women's camp. They'd deliberately kept the two tents seperate enough to avoid prying eyes, "They always take too long to get ready..." he muttered.

"Really?" Penelo poked her head in, "Huh, funny. We've been up for an hour already. When did you roll out of bed?" she asked slyly.

"About five minutes ago," Basch informed her.

"Thought so...anyway," she checked behind her, making sure that no one was eavesdropping. She spoke quickly and in a hushed voice, "_You guys might want to give Ashe some space for the next few days. She's..well, you know."_

Basch rolled his eyes and Balthier smirked wickedly. "Understood," Basch nodded, "Thank you for the warning. Balthier? I believe that message applies largely to you?"

"Would I really harass the poor girl?" Balthier protested in mock innocence, "What kind of a man do you take me for, really?" he scoffed, "Really. I'm a gentleman!"

"Um, what's up with Ashe?" Vaan asked.

Basch and Balthier stood staring at him for a moment not sure if he was serious or not. Vaan could be a bit thick at times, especially when it came to matters concerning women. But as it turned out, he honestly didn't get it. "Huh, you see-" Balthier began, smiling wickedly.

"No!" Basch interrupted him, "It would probably be best if he hear it from someone who respects women?"

"I respect women!" Balthier protested, "But I'd rather tangle with a rabid ring wyrm than deal with our princess while she's on the warpath!"

"Come on!" Vaan pleaded, tired of being sheltered and treated like a child, "I can handle it. You guys can tell me."

Basch rubbed his temple in frustration, "It is not something to be discussed. Not here, not now, preferably not ever. If you truly want to know- mind you there are times when ignorance is truly bliss- I would advise you to ask Fran about such matters."

"Oh, good luck with that one!" Balthier groaned, "Fran's a thousand times worse, and hers lasts a full month. At least that won't happen again in my lifetime!" he shuddered at the memory, "Or at least I hope not!"

* * *

Vaan stepped out breathing in the salty air. As much as he missed the city, the Coast was a nice retreat from the busy, war fearing Rabanastre. He found the girls already seated eating breakfast. Following Penelo's recommendations, he decided to sit as far away from Ashe as possible. Fran noticed this and smiled, "I take it that Penelo gave you the warning?"

He glanced over at Ashe, poking miserably at her food, largely untouched, "Um, yeah...kind of. What's the big deal though? Is she feeling sick or something?"

Fran's eyebrow's shot up, "I take it that you are ignorant in the ways of women. This much I knew, but I did not think it that bad..."

"Just tell me, okay?" he asked, trying to keep his voice down so that the others wouldn't overhear them, "Basch won't tell me, 'cause he says its something you shouldn't really talk about, and he won't let Balthier tell me either, 'cause Balthier's a pervert who doesn't respect women."

She nodded in understanding, "Basch is wiser than his years would suggest. Such a thing usually comes later. And yes, I am glad that Balthier has told you nothing of this," she stood, grabbing her bow, should it be needed, "Come with me, and I shall tell you."

* * *

Fran easily skirted the tide pools, Vaan following at her heels, trying not to end up in the water. She glanced back every few steps, making sure that he was still behind her and hadn't fallen into the pools. "Look below, what do you see?" she glanced down at one of the pools, still filled from the morning tides

"Um, tide pools?" he shrugged, "Water, fish, plants?"

She crouched down, picking up a small crab, cradling it in her long, lithe fingers, "A woman's womb is much like these pools. For a brief time, life can flourish. But that time is short lived, and after it passes, it is like this." she led him over to another pool, this one having already drained back into the sea, "'Tis empty, hollow, and lifeless."

Vaan knelt down beside the empty pool, helping a struggling fish out into deeper water, "So...Ashe is...what? Is that what women mean by 'water weight'?"

Fran grinned, "Not exactly. For her, the tide is out. Once it returns, the cycle begins anew."

"Okay..I get the metaphor, but not-"

"For now, that is all you need know," Fran assured him, "You are still young, and naive. Do not falter in your ways," she turned back to the shore, where Balthier was running from camp, "Not all of us are so lucky as to possess such innocence. Keep that with you for as long as you can."

Balthier ran up to Fran, waving his arms frantically. Vaan laughed at him a bit, "What did you do?"

The sky pirate opened his mouth to speak, but much to his frustration, no words came out.

"I take it that you did not heed Penelo's warning?" Fran inquired, trying to hide a smirk, "I cautioned you more than once that your mouth would lead you only to trouble."

Balthier nodded emphatically, tracing in the sand the word "_Silence_. _Damn Princess._"

"Ashe shut you up, huh?" Vaan chuckled, "Penelo warned you, Basch warned you, I'm pretty sure Fran warned you...do you ever learn?"

"I suppose you want me to fix this, yes?" Fran asked, "No. Your quarrel is with the Lady Ashe, and I will not get involved. Should you wish to speak again, you are at her mercy. Besides, I rather like this arrangement."

Balthier gave a silent groan, turning back to camp.

* * *

Baltheir returned, still mute from Ashe's spell. He had to admit; her skills in the fields of magicks had improved quite a bit in recent weeks.

Penelo walked up to him, a sly smile on her face, "I told you!" she held up a sprig of Echo Herbs, just beyond his grasp, "You wanna talk again?"

He nodded eagerly, reaching for the remedy.

"Well, tough," she walked over near the campfire, where Basch was sitting with Ashe, keeping her company, "Here you go," she presented Ashe with the Echo Herbs, "Make him work for it!"

Rolling his eyes, Balthier opened his mouth, forgetting for a moment that he couldn't speak. He wrung his hands in frustration, writing out in the sand, "_Look, I'm sorry. What more do you want from me, Princess? I shouldn't have gone and opened my mouth; you're not a bloated, pissy she-bat."_

Basch read the message in disbelief, "Why would you call her such a thing?"

Balthier added to the message, "_Suck up!"_ with an arrow pointed in the knight's direction

"Enough," Ashe kicked away the writing, "While you are an idiot, and an exceptionally smug one, you did apologize. Even if you only did it in hopes that it would get me to revoke my spell." she stared pensively at the Echo Herbs, debating with herself as to whether or not to cure Balthier's silence, "You are forgiven. _But _I will not revoke the spell."

Balthier stared at her, mouth agape.

"It will wear off within a few hours," she shrugged, "Until then, I think a little time without use of your mouth is refreshing, don't you? What is that old saying, 'silence is golden'?"

He scornfully glared at her, walking away, fuming. Basch laughed, "You will make a fine queen some day, Princess."


End file.
